All Known Photos?

I think not, bro. Here's you and Dean celebrating Dean being first runner-up at the Miss New Jersey pageant.

Cuz He's So Todd

To one of my favorite people on the planet. Thanks for all the laughs, my brutha from anutha mutha!



I'll have you know, this image was submitted for a calendar series I did during my studies at the New School in NYC.

You know what else is weird?

Slim Goodbody.

Amish Paradise

Here's hoping you don't find one of these nailed to your front door.

You know what's weird?

Rick Astley.

Louvin Louvin Louvin

It was Ira Louvin—the older brother, the songwriter, the genius—who in 1958 designed the cover of the Louvin Brothers’ most famous album, Satan Is Real: a photograph of him and his brother, Charlie (in matching white linen suits, pink shirts, and squared-off blue ties), singing, arms outstretched, before what look to be the pits of Hell. Looming behind their backs, amid the flames: a big red devil, complete with fangs, horns, and a bloody pitchfork. As Charlie explained years later:

Ira built that set. The devil was twelve feet tall, built out of plywood. We went to this rock quarry and then took old tires and soaked them in kerosene, got them to burn good. It had just started to sprinkle rain when we got that picture taken. Those rocks, when they get hot, they blow up. They were throwing pieces of rock up into the air.


Inspired by a commenter on the Satan is Real post, I decided to do a little research on the Louvin Brothers. Here's what I found while working on my honorary degree in useless shit. Enjoy!

This pic was swiped from the Alabama Music Hall of Fame.



Here's quite the article about the serious, yet theatrical nature of the gospel of Louvin.

Because I Was Tagged

And apparently don't have the spine or ambition to just say "fuck off." =)

1. Total volume of music files on my computer: My iTunes folder could rival NASA.

2. The Last CD I bought was: Holy Ghost Town by the Voodoo Organist or the new Queens of the Stone Age. I can't remember.

3. Song Playing Right Now: N.Y. '79 by Laika and the Cosmonauts.

4. Five songs I listen to a lot (in no particular order): I gravitate towards whole albums, not single songs.

I tag Eek, Old Man Cissy, and the Great Lewd One.

That's a Jaunty Fucking Hat Ya Got There

I know this photo seems to suggest that E.T. has come back to Earth for a late-spring SoHo vacation, but in actuality it is a recent pic of Mary Kate "I'm cured of my eating disorder" Olsen.

God. Damn.



Carol Ann! Carol Ann! Go towards the light!

Happy Birthday Mister President

I'll leave you guys to it.

Weird Shit

Barring your significant others, friends, and family members, what is the weirdest thing you have ever loved?

Reese's Pieces Won't Cut It

This may be the allergy meds and fever talking, but I am pretty sure that when aliens come to Earth, they will completely whip our collective ass. We'll be no more than warm nougat centers with legs to them. They'll eat us like crawdads. Suck dem haids.

Here's why I say this.

When you think about why mankind is in space, it all boils down to the driving force of human nature. The will to conquer. From puzzles to people, from the dawn of man, all we have done is strive to conquer shit. Some of you more enlightened folks may say, "We're in space to explore and learn about our universe and ultimately about ourselves." Reality check. For every one of you enlightened motherfuckers, there are five motherfuckers who burn children as witches or eat bear penis for good luck. Above all, man is destructive and likes to conquer. That being said, I believe that those out in the universe who would go through the trouble of developing the science of inter-galactic travel, are far more likely to be driven by the desire to conquer, rather than a desire for peace and knowledge. The conquering bastards will get us first.

Peaceful fuckers are happy chilling out at home. Conquering fuckers will drive across the galaxy to get your ass.

Not only will they be conquerors, they will be far better at it than feeble little us could ever fathom. Once they discover our terrible shelf-life (hell, we go stale after 4 minutes with no oxygen), they'll just eat us on the spot like so many hot greasy french fries. It will be terribly gruesome to behold. Just hope that you are either dead at the time, or blinded by the blood spray.

The end.

In Case You Were Wondering

I work for a church. I should know.



Don't they look awfully chipper for guys wearing polyester suits in the depths of Hell?

Closure

I think this is the closure I've been needing all these years.

Aaaah. I feel better now.

Stryper

Does anyone remember these assholes?

I dunno what recent trauma unearthed my memory of this, but I knew I had to go forth and inflict it on the innocents. Enjoy!

The Shit That Plagues My Mind in the Wee Hours

How far can an elephant throw a marble?

Because It's That Kind Of Day

Nooooo!

No, Silver, no! He doesn't have a choice!

What? Me Worry?

Notice these children are not aiming at a big ol' map of the U.S. They are aiming at this guy. Raise your hand if you think moving the White House to an off-shore oil rig may be a good idea?



North Korean children play a shooting game with a toy gun aiming at a portrait of U.S. President George W. Bush at Namjun kindergarten in Shinwiju, Pyongan-Budo, North Korea. The photo was released by Korean Central News Agency (KCNA) on May 9, 2005. (Reuters)

Touch My Heino

EEK Says Year Four is the Year of the Strap-On

And I thought it was the year of bullwhips, or crystal stemware. I get them confused. Oh, well.

Happy anniversary to us! Woohoo!

15 Things About Me

Since other folks are interesting enough to find 15 things about themselves to tell the world, I guess I’ll give it a shot, too.

1. I have no tattoos.

2. I like Bluegrass music.

3. I have very little patience for dumb people.

4. I have the ability to speak without cursing. Whole conversations, I promise!

5. I cannot dance or sing worth a shit.

6. I have never farted in an elevator.

7. Nirvana, Queens of the Stone Age, and Th’ Legendary Shack*Shakers are my favorite bands, though “Moonlight Sonata” is my favorite song.

8. I have never wanted to have kids. I didn’t even daydream about it when I was younger.

9. I love chocolate with the ferocity of a mother bear protecting her cubs.

10. I make incredible guacamole.

11. San Francisco is my favorite American city.

12. The most relaxed I have ever been was under a palapa on the beach in Cozumel.

13. I hate to sweat.

14. I like destroying ugly things.

15. I feel like an artist with a day job.

My Old Man

Here's a pic of my Old Man from back in the day. You sure have come a long way, baby! ;)

Einstein in the Making?

Today, I get a call from my stepson's school because he snorted a small object, presumably a breath mint, up his nose.

This kid had better grow up to discover the cure for fucking cancer or the applied theory for terra-forming Mars, or else I shall be terribly disappointed.