Reese's Pieces Won't Cut It

This may be the allergy meds and fever talking, but I am pretty sure that when aliens come to Earth, they will completely whip our collective ass. We'll be no more than warm nougat centers with legs to them. They'll eat us like crawdads. Suck dem haids.

Here's why I say this.

When you think about why mankind is in space, it all boils down to the driving force of human nature. The will to conquer. From puzzles to people, from the dawn of man, all we have done is strive to conquer shit. Some of you more enlightened folks may say, "We're in space to explore and learn about our universe and ultimately about ourselves." Reality check. For every one of you enlightened motherfuckers, there are five motherfuckers who burn children as witches or eat bear penis for good luck. Above all, man is destructive and likes to conquer. That being said, I believe that those out in the universe who would go through the trouble of developing the science of inter-galactic travel, are far more likely to be driven by the desire to conquer, rather than a desire for peace and knowledge. The conquering bastards will get us first.

Peaceful fuckers are happy chilling out at home. Conquering fuckers will drive across the galaxy to get your ass.

Not only will they be conquerors, they will be far better at it than feeble little us could ever fathom. Once they discover our terrible shelf-life (hell, we go stale after 4 minutes with no oxygen), they'll just eat us on the spot like so many hot greasy french fries. It will be terribly gruesome to behold. Just hope that you are either dead at the time, or blinded by the blood spray.

The end.