Things I Have Learned

It's "Gopher" not "Beaver."

The men in my world are beer whores.

"Hopefully" by My Morning Jacket is one of the prettiest and most soulful songs I have heard in a long time.

Paul McCartney will be the half-time show entertainment at the next SuperBowl. Perhaps we shall see a bit of Sir's boob.

British men are more fertile in America. Boomshanka

Limb lengthening sounds funnier than it actually is.

and,

I am a total rat bastard because I want to laugh whenever a certain local commercial comes on that I should NOT be laughing at. My hubby knows of what I speak and just how truly dastardly I am. If you email me or buy me a beer, I may share my dark secret with you as well.

Did you get your homo shot?

Apparently you can catch homosexuality like a cold, and pick up cross-dressing like a drug habit. If only I had known then what I know now...

Cross-Dressing' Out, Camouflage In.

This sure sets my phantom balls to creepin'

America Granted Reprieve from Mandate of Paganism.

Oldies but Goddamned Goodies

For the ladies:

The Asian Prince.

For the music buff:

Super Greg

For the linguist:

Engrish.

For the Biblical scholar:

Apocamon.

For the nature lover:

Wheeeee!

And last but not least, my hubby pretending to throw a man who's pretending to be handicapped out of a wheelchair :

He's no spinal, Dude. I've seen some spinals, and he ain't it.

Sweet

This article rings so true with me. Especially taking into account that all of the most educated people I know voted for Kerry. Heather, pay attention! New York rocks for a reason, and it isn't the Republican values it espouses...

Confessions of a Cultural Elitest.

And now for the Bad News.

Kaw-Liga

They just don't write about wooden indians like they used to. Thanks, Hank.

Kaw-liga was a wooden Indian standing by the door.
He fell in love with an Indian maiden over in the antique store.
Kaw-liga just stood there and never let it show,
So she could never answer "yes" or "no."

CHORUS:
Poor ol' Kaw-liga, he never got a kiss.
Poor ol' Kaw-liga, he don't know what he missed.
Is it any wonder that his face is red?
Kaw-liga, that poor ol' wooden head.

He always wore his Sunday feathers and held a tomahawk.
The maiden wore her beads and braids and hoped some day he'd talk.
Kaw-liga, too stubborn to ever show a sign,
Because his heart was made of knotty pine.

Kaw-liga was a lonely Indian, never went nowhere.
His heart was set on the Indian maid with the coal black hair.
Kaw-liga just stood there and never let it show,
So she could never answer "yes" or "no."

And then one day a wealthy customer bought the Indian maid,
And took her, oh, so far away, but ol' Kaw-liga stayed.
Kaw-liga just stands there as lonely as can be,
And wishes he was still an old pine tree.

Hastening of the Crusades

GODDAMMIT! GAWDDAMMIT! FATHER OF JESUS H. CHRIST JUMPED UP ON A STICK - DAMMIT! This nation has shown its true colors and I am sorely afraid. I seem to be surrounded by racist, homophobic, war mongering, uneducated, misinformed, theocracy-craving, rednecks.

America used to be better than this.

Why has diversity become a reviled rather than revered aspect of American culture? Why are we no longer proud of our right to dissent and be individuals? When did we go beige?

Mexico beckons.

Now I await the revival of the great Crusades. We will defeat the Moors and steal their pepper in the name of the LAWD ALMIGHTY. I will not be in attendance for this delirious wave of bullshit. My stepson will also not be drafted into participating in this delirious wave of bullshit. Let your kids die for the wrong reason, not mine.

America has blood in its eyes.

This is not a Christian nation, you assholes. If you think it is, you have entirely missed the point of the sacrifice of our forefathers. You should read the Constitution sometime. You might be suprised. Also, Christians, I do not amend your Bible, so don't amend my Constitution with your homophobic bullshit. It is not a legal issue, it is personal preference. Get over it, and put your tiny dick back in your pants.

This is the land of the free, and home of the brave. Not the land of the old, white, racist, homophobic, white trash fear mongerer. Read 1984.

My fist is as hard as chinese arithmetic, and I'm serious as a heart attack when I say that this country is corn-poning itself to oblivion. It is an America that I no longer recognize, one that I am embarrassed of, one in which I am not represented. I will take my intellectual capital and leave if things don't turn around really soon.

We are Canada's white trash neighbor. Sorry for the stench, Canada.

Desperation

I am posting the following link out of sheer desperation. I want an iPod, and I want it bad. The following link is from one of those Free iPod sites, but at least this one was featured in Wired.com as being less heinous than the rest. If you follow this link and sign up for a free trial of Netflix or some other similar thing, I get credit towards an iPod. This is pandering at its finest folks.

While I'm at it, vote for Kerry.

Give me an iPod and a good president, or give me death (or at least airfare to Mexico!)

iPod for Alisha.