Because It's Cute, Bitches!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

King of All Douches

Bigger Douche

Douche

Neuticles - I Swear to God

The Winner Is... Fake Dog Testicle Creator

By MICHAEL KUNZELMAN, Associated Press Writer 1 hour, 39 minutes ago

BOSTON - Gregg Miller mortgaged his home and maxed out his credit cards to mass produce his invention — prosthetic testicles for neutered dogs.

What started 10 years ago with an experiment on an unwitting Rottweiler named Max has turned into a thriving mail-order business. And on Thursday night Miller's efforts earned him a dubious yet strangely coveted honor: the Ig Nobel Prize for medicine.

"Considering my parents thought I was an idiot when I was a kid, this is a great honor," he said. "I wish they were alive to see it."

The Ig Nobels, given at Harvard University by Annals of Improbable Research magazine, celebrate the humorous, creative and odd side of science.

Miller has sold more than 150,000 of his Neuticles, more than doubling his $500,000 investment. The silicone implants come in different sizes, shapes, weights and degrees of firmness.

The product's Web site says Neuticles allow a pet "to retain his natural look" and "self esteem."

Although the Ig Nobels are not exactly prestigious, many recipients are, like Miller, happy to win.

"Most scientists — no matter what they're doing, good or bad — never get any attention at all," said Marc Abrahams, editor of the Annals of Improbable Research.

Some, like Benjamin Smith of the University of Adelaide in Australia, who won the biology prize, actually nominated their own work. "I've been a fan of the Ig Nobels for a while," he said.

Smith's team studied and catalogued different scents emitted by more than 100 species of frogs under stress. Some smelled like cashews, while others smelled like licorice, mint or rotting fish.

He recalled getting strange looks when he'd show up at zoos asking to smell the frogs. "I've been turned away at the gate," he said.

This year's other Ig Nobel winners include:

• PHYSICS: Since 1927, researchers at the University of Queensland in Australia have been tracking a glob of congealed black tar as it drips through a funnel — at a rate of one drop every nine years.

• PEACE: Two researchers at Newcastle University in England monitored the brain activity of locusts as they watched clips from the movie "Star Wars."

• CHEMISTRY: An experiment at the University of Minnesota was designed to prove whether people can swim faster or slower in syrup than in water.

The Ig Nobel for literature went to the Nigerians who introduced millions of e-mail users to a "cast of rich characters ... each of whom requires just a small amount of expense money so as to obtain access to the great wealth to which they are entitled."

The Wheels Are Coming Off

And they are obviously the wheels of the short bus.

Bush claimed God told him to invade Iraq, Afghanistan: BBC

Thu Oct 6, 6:05 PM ET

LONDON (AFP) - US President George W. Bush allegedly said God told him to invade Iraq and Afghanistan, a new BBC documentary will reveal, according to details.

Bush made the claim when he met Palestinian leader Mahmud Abbas and then foreign minister Nabil Shaath in June 2003, the ministers told the documentary series to be broadcast in Britain later this month.

The US leader also told them he had been ordered by God to create a Palestinian state, the ministers said.

Shaath, now the Palestinian information minister, said: " President Bush said to all of us: 'I'm driven with a mission from God.

'God would tell me, 'George, go and fight those terrorists in Afghanistan'.'

"And I did, and then God would tell me, 'George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq...' And I did.

"'And now, again, I feel God's words coming to me, 'Go get the Palestinians their state and get the Israelis their security, and get peace in the Middle East.' And by God I'm gonna do it'," said Shaath.

Abbas, who was also at the meeting in the Egyptian resort of Sharm al-Sheikh, recalled how the president told him: "I have a moral and religious obligation.

"So I will get you a Palestinian state."

A BBC spokesman said the content of the programme had been put to the White House but it had refused to comment on a private conversation.

The three-part series, "Elusive Peace: Israel and the Arabs", charts the attempts to bring peace to the Middle East, from former US president Bill Clinton's peace talks in 1999-2000 to Israel's withdrawal from the Gaza strip.

The programme speaks to presidents and prime ministers, their generals and ministers, about what happened behind closed doors as the peace talks failed and the intifada grew.

The series is due to be screened in Britain on October 10, 17 and 24.

All Hallow's Eve

Hello, my wee beasties! Our time to shine draws near as Halloween is nigh upon us. If you are a loyal reader of this blog, consider yourself invited to a freak fest courtesy of the Chingasa-Hellions. Saturday, October 29th at around 8 p.m., we’ll be waiting for you at our humble abode. Bring a dastardly dish to share, any particular liquor you MUST have (though we will be providing a pretty good selection), and be sure to disguise yourself in case you end up doing something too reprehensible for remembrance. If you need directions, you know how to contact me. Be there or be somewhere else having much less fun than you could be having t’were you with us. =)

Goddamned Moron

This woman is an idiot. Flat out. I have a bridge to sell her once she gets her settlement check.

Doctor sued for sex treatment for back pain

SEATTLE (Reuters) - An Oregon woman whose doctor convinced her that he could cure her lower back pain by having sex with her is suing him and his medical clinic for $4 million, according to legal documents obtained on Monday.

The doctor, Randall Smith, who was 50 at the time, was stripped of his license and sent to jail for 60 days last year for charging the state's Oregon Health Plan $5,000 for his 45-minute "treatments" involving the woman.

"Dr. Smith's medical treatment included intercourse in which he told plaintiff was needed to help alleviate plaintiff's lower back and lower extremity pain," the former patient said in the lawsuit.

The lawsuit, which charges battery, negligence and intentional and negligent infliction of emotional distress, was filed on Friday in Multnomah County court.

"We never comment on lawsuits," said a spokesman for the Adventist Medical Group clinic in Gresham, Oregon where Smith worked. Smith could not be located for comment.

Though he pleaded guilty to submitting false health care claims, a felony, Smith maintained the sex with the 47-year-old woman was consensual.

So Sayeth The Lord!

Click, and He shall appear unto you in a vision.

Wallyball and ScarJo

I want to be beautiful like Scarlett Johansson. She's pale, not a twig, and lovely. She also looks like she'd kick you in the nuts herself rather than get her bodyguard to do it for her. I dig that quality.

Watching my grandmother's decline in her last days made me realize that I should treasure this body and the abilities I have. Just being able to get out of bed is a gift. I enjoy mobility, and I intend to keep it as long as I can. To do this, I have to get in shape and stay that way, and I have chosen ScarJo as my role model.

I recognize that I will never be of "featured extensively in a hotel room in my underpants as in Lost In Translation" quality, but I think I have taken a postive first step towards "not embarrassed to go to the pool" quality. I started playing Wallyball. Yesterday, I played my first game in six years, and every fiber of my being and strand of connective tissue in my body is now in great pain. I take this as a good sign. This must mean that everything does at least function, and that Wallyball is a great total body workout. The fun folks I played with yesterday meet every Sunday, and I plan to be there sweating like R. Kelly at a La Petite.

My goal is to continue adding fun but challenging activities to my schedule. Preferrably ones with other folks so that the guilt factor can work accordingly. Tonight, I think it will be Yoga. Wish me luck!