I Am Not An Animal

But I play one on T.V.

Actually, this post is about the mild mutiny my muts decided to stage today. It all started around noon when I called Heather to see if she wanted to go out for coffee. After making plans, I began to play with my small dog, Devo, who was perched on my lap like the little bitch that he is. With one quick swipe of his prissy paw, he split my lips from just above the lip line of the upper lip down to midway through the lower lip. Just a scratch, but now I can't laugh, talk, or eat, and these are all things I need to do in order to be happy.

Once the bleeding stopped and I got acquainted with the truly foul taste of neosporin, I went on about my lazy day. That night, after taking my big dog, Happy, to the park, I let her and Devo out the back door to do their paperwork. As I was letting them back in, Happy bolted at the metal security door instead of neatly skirting it as she usually does. This action equalled 70 pounds of dog hitting 40 pounds of security door hitting me square in the face. I now have a shiny goose egg over my right eye to show for my kindness in adopting this leviathan. Not only that, but now my hubby fears he will be charged with spouse abuse do to how weird the truth actually is. Ain't that a bitch?

This only happens to me.