iPlod

I hate the way I walk.

There is nary a bit of grace, sex appeal, nor style in my gait. I doubt there’s much I can do about it, other than surgery and bitching, so I have opted for the cheaper of the two. Basically, since I was old enough to ambulate, my knees have always caved somewhat inward due to my completely flat feet. I am not even joking about completely flat, there is no arch at all. Thanks to this inward turn of the knees, my legs from the knee down tend to kick outward, as if my calves are trying to escape in opposite directions. Thusly, my gait resembles the way a seal may walk if one were so inclined to walk upright. Ain’t purty, ya’ll.

I have also been told that my husband has a “distinctive” walk, and not distinctive in a good way. I guess we’re both shitty walkers, but at least we’re smoove talkers.

Speaking of smoove, I need some help with a dated, yet enduring, pop culture reference. When the Hollies sang, “He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother,” what EXACTLY did they mean? I guess it would help if I were able to listen to the song all the way through, but it’s kinda dull. Is it a statement against racism? A call to world peace and brotherhood? Is this how they used to say, “He’s not a NARC?” I am befuddled.

I wanna know what “He ain’t heavy” is, and I want you to show me.