The Birth of the Cognitive Hellion
It was on this very night that I had my hellion epiphany. As you can tell by the plucky look on my face, MsHellion was about to be unleashed on an unsuspecting world of laughable clowns. I remember this Halloween so vivdly. I was freezing, despite being wrapped in flammable plastic, and I could see my Darth breath as I mimicked Lord Vader as well as a four-year-old girl can. I spent the evening ordering kids dressed as storm troopers to chase the kid dressed as Chewbacca. I wanted him alive and unharmed. It was on this night that I knew I could rise above my shithole of a town, that I would be a success, that I would never change a diaper, and that I would always vote. I had a job to do, and I would settle for nothing less than ruling the galaxy. Oh, and I got a lot of chocolate, too. Bonus!
Note: Later this same year, I told my mother I no longer needed her because I could read and tie my shoes. Luckily, she knows I am full of shit. Thanks, Mom!
Ruler amongst clowns.
posted by MsHellion @ 1:14 PM
2 Comments:
Fuck, I'm old.
Awesome.
I loved those plastic costumes! I went as a Pac-Man video game one year. Not actual Pac-Man (though my safety-challenged plastic mask was Pac-Man's face), but the arcade game console.
If I see one more little girl dressed up as a goddamned princess for Halloween, I'm going to fucking barf. Pirates! Pac Man! Chewbacca, what a wookiee! Save the Princess stuff for when they're old enough to make lipstick not look creepy.
EEK
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