How ABBA destroyed modern American music.
There are certain music critics who are so bad that I have learned to take the opposite of what they say as true. There are others who think they are holier than thou whenever they get the chance to poo poo on something innovative and different. And then there are those critics who lambast all the others on free blogs, and they, my friends, are the unsung heroes of modern journalism. ;)
Yes, ABBA ruined music for us all. "Why be so hard on ABBA? They're a lot of fun," you say. I agree. ABBA is some fun stuff, just like the occasional bag of Pop Rocks, but does that make it good music? Hell no, my peoples. In fact, ABBA's sugary pop tsunami gave America a sweet tooth so powerful, that true American music and musicianship as an art have fallen by the way side in favor of pre-packaged, candy-coated poop on a stick.
Lemme 'splain.
Think about your average consumer today. Especially the younger set. They'll shove any pre-fab, sugar-laden, cellophane wrapped, piece of crap in their mouth without thinking twice, but eschew Grandma's homemade peach cobbler because "it looks weird." Millions of Zingers are sold each year, just like Britney Spears albums, but does that mean Zingers are a superior dessert? Hell no again, my peoples. There are young folks out there who won't touch homemade banana pudding (the kind with the vanilla wafers), cherry pie, or Lord Have Mercy on their Souls, warm cobbler with a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top. Why? In the pursuit of the quick and easy and comfortable, Americans, by in large, have lost the taste for American originals. Things that don't come in recognizable packaging or easy fit categories or that appear on TRL.
Turn away from the poop on a stick.
Pop Rocks are okay once in a while, but we must not lose sight of the better things available out there. The real things, made from scratch and with passion, but obscured by the flourescent glo' of the crapola dispensers. My fellow Americans, it is time we all hold our breath and plunge ourselves shoulder deep into the carrot cake that is American music, and taste, for once, the truth and beauty that is REAL ART.
posted by MsHellion @ 6:46 PM
11 Comments:
Okay, you may very well be right about ABBA being evil, but you've got to admit that the ABBA-inspired A*Teens are totally awesome.
-- jason
I have to admit to being a consumer of crap on a stick. I prefer to think of this as my wide variety of taste as opposed to having no taste at all. What I think is important (are you listening, Bump?) is that we recognize things for what they are. If you think crap is banana pudding, then we have a problem. If you think crap is crap but still feel the urge to do a little john travolta dance, well I blame in on TV.
By the way, drinking coffee in the tub IS odd. You may well discover the newest use for coffee if you drop it in the tub and come out with the cleanest skin on earth. -- Carrie
ABBA formed in 1971, years after pop music became pussified by the pop pablum princesses like Shelly Fabares, Pat Boone Eunuch Clones, fake "bands" like the Archies, the Merseybeat dorkwads, etc.
America had plenty of sweet tooth before ABBA. "Johnny Angel?" "Sugar Sugar?" Anyway, Americans have always had a taste for foreign schlock, which is handy as other countries can export their nonsense at great profit. Think how lovely this two-way street is: would you rather hear ABBA on the radio or David Hasselhoff?
With no ABBA, we'd have to cut some scenes from both Muriel's Wedding and Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. A dingo ate my baby!
EEK
A millenia of higher culture, art, cusine, and fashion, and all Europe can offer musically is Hasselhoff and Tatu? I guess you can't have everything.
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Are we counting Ireland and the UK in this? 'Cause Mick Jagger pouts when he feels left out.
EEK
I have no beef with the isles. It's the continent that scuffed my chuff.
Until this post is re-titled "No Thank you For The Music," I am not listening.
-sac
poop.
I've always had a soft spot for Serge Gainsbourg.
Bonnie et Clyde!
EEK
I know this is an old post, but I just read it so it's new to me. I think it's hilarious that when you visited Vegas and we were in that awful disco at the Hilton I made the DJ play "Dancing Queen." I like Abba and cobbler, and I have the doughboy physique to prove it.
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